Comments on: Innocent questions

By: class factotum

class factotum — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 00:43:41 +0000

“‘So, where are you from?’ I am not sure what the question asker means most of the time.”

Translation: We don’t know each other and I would like to engage you in some pleasant conversation and that’s about the most innocuous question I can ask because I don’t want to talk about politics, sex or religion with you. I don’t want to ask about your kids in case you are trying desperately to get pregnant, I don’t want to ask about your husband because what if you are a lesbian, and I don’t want to ask about your job because what if you just got laid off or because I don’t want to look like I am trying to place you socially and economically.

I just want an easy, inoffensive conversation starter.

By: Miss Conduct’s Mind Over Manners | Tang

Miss Conduct’s Mind Over Manners | Tang — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 21:55:52 +0000

[...] Certainly PeaceBang’s two examples are distinctly rude, but as we’ve been discussing, not every question that stomps your TANG is necessarily inappropriate. And some inappropriate questions and comments [...]

By: Meg C.

Meg C. — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 19:35:48 +0000

I agree with Scott – I can’t stand it when people ask me what’s wrong and tell me to “Smile!” This usually happens at work with this one obnoxious guy whose name I don’t even know. I’m not smiling because I’m focused on my work, thinking about things I need to do, and generally not thrilled with being at my job. It’s work, not Mr. Happy-Fun’s Smiley Time.

By: Robin

Robin — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 07:45:03 +0000

I think both of those comments are rude, Scott.

By: Scott Fitzgerald

Scott Fitzgerald — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 00:17:08 +0000

I dislike it when people come up to me and ask, “You look sad. What’s wrong?” There’s usually nothing wrong; I’m just not smiling.

I also get irritated when people call me skinny, and offended when they call me overweight. They mean it as some sort of compliment, but I am perfectly average and not even straddling the border of being underweight/average.

By: Robin

Robin — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 21:42:23 +0000

You and me both, bluemoose! I lived in a bunch of different places before I was 10, none of which were the “home town” of my parents, then lived in the same city in two different states. (Kansas City)

By: bluemoose

bluemoose — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 17:08:52 +0000

I despise trying to answer “So, where are you from?” I am not sure what the question asker means most of the time. I grew up in two states, and have lived in three since then. I am not a military brat. I don’t blame the questioner for my annoyance, though.

By: Ajay

Ajay — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 16:35:21 +0000

Exactly, Robin! It’s scary how you plucked that etiquette ninja image from a muddled post (bows).

By: Workingmom

Workingmom — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 13:36:49 +0000

Question to me regarding my stay-at-home dad of a husband:

“So, when is Joe going to get a job?”

Because taking care of our child, grocery shopping, housecleaning, laundry, cooking, and homework-helping clearly aren’t work.

Usually asked by an older woman who was a stay at home mom herself. Grrrrrrrrrr.

By: Robin

Robin — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 09:46:36 +0000

Ajay–nunchucks are blunt instruments, too, but they can be wielded very delicately!

I’m enchanted with the notion of this bit of dialogue:

Person X: “Your mother was the most non-judgemental person I’ve ever known.”
Ajay: “No, she was just supremely tactful.”
Person X: (suddenly reinterprets every conversation s/he has ever had with Ajay’s mother).

By: Bonnie B

Bonnie B — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 02:41:43 +0000

I really hate “what’s going on?” or “what’s happening?” used as a greeting — especially when said in passing. I’m always tempted to start in on a long soliloquy about everything that IS going on, but the person asking is usually someone I’m passing in a hallway or on the sidewalk, and they’re not stopping for an answer.

If the meaningless nicety is “how are you?” or “how’s it going?” you can at least answer with a grammatically consistent, “great, thanks,” or “ugh, don’t ask!” — but there’s no quick answer to “what’s going on?” except “nothing,” which makes you seem like a total loser, or “everything!” which makes you seem a bit off…

By: Ajay

Ajay — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 21:40:11 +0000

Not a question, but a statement proffered over and over and over at a memorial service for my mother, until I feared I was going to slap the next person who said:

“She was the most non-judgemental person I’ve ever known.”

The irony being my mother was a person of exquisite judgement. Her social skills were as finely honed as her intellect, though, and as delicately wielded.

I guess I think etiquette CAN be a sharp instrument, perhaps in a martial-artsy kind of way.

By: HK

HK — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 19:09:42 +0000

After graduating from high school I hated being asked what my ‘plans’ were and talking about college. Only because that was the only topic everyone and their brother wanted to talk to me about.

These days it’s questions about when my husband of about a year and a half and I are planning on having children. It annoys me for similar reasons.

By: veronica

veronica — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 17:18:44 +0000

What are your plans now that you have your master’s degree? asked by anyone in a 500 mile radius.

Ask the question enough times and I go thermonuclear.