Yahoo’s featured news roundup is often odd, but this morning’s was especially good:

Read the whole thing. It’s like a conversation with a stoned college student:

“Dude, did you know pirates had health insurance! Seriously! Like, arr, dude, me leg’s been deducted into Davy Jones’ locker! Like, pirates back then totally evolved into modern pirates … and they’re still evolving. Like birds, dude! Birds are totally dinosaurs, did you know that? So, like, since dinosaurs are extinct, I guess that means the whole ‘Dead Parrot’ sketch is true, ’cause parrots are dinosaurs and dinosaurs are ex-parrots! Or, like, pre-parrots, but whatever dude. Joined the choir invisible! Pinin’ for the fjords! …

“Hey, speaking of parrots, dude, my professor was telling us about this chick who’s got a parrot that can count and shit. Like, it’s as smart as a five-year-old kid, can you imagine? She’s been training it for, like, longer than we’ve been alive. Using all that stuff from my into psych class with like Skinner conditioning and all. I think my girlfriend does that shit to me sometimes, I swear. You ever stop to think that maybe life is just a big psychology experiment? I mean, how would you even know?

“Especially, like, if you were in the control group.”