Comments on: Etiquette is a blunt instrument

By: Miss Conduct’s Mind Over Manners | Readercon: Because it’s not enough that I look like Spock

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 10:00:55 +0000

[...] think this sounds absolutely terrific, and not just because 1) I look like Spock and 2) SF fans are unlikely to judge the Golden Rod Rainbow Stripe Shawl Sweater Shrug Cardigan. [...]

By: Miss Conduct’s Mind Over Manners | Holiday

Miss Conduct’s Mind Over Manners | Holiday — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 10:01:56 +0000

[...] fairly short) comment thread that ensued, and my responses (I & II). We dug into that “rude v. hurtful” distinction in some interesting [...]

By: kelly

kelly — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 21:50:11 +0000

This is a great article that has in one fell swoop convinced me to read your book.

Oh, and yes, Spock is hot!

By: Regina T

Regina T — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 03:57:13 +0000

“And it’s absolutely vital to sanity to realize that when you step out of your circle of loved ones, you no longer have the right to that kind of customized treatment.”

This is just so stellar I had to thank you for putting it so succinctly! We often get complacent and overly casual within our own circles that we often forget the most basic of etiquette rules. I sometimes have a defective social dipstick, and foot lands firmly in mouth when I have crossed the line, followed by an heartfelt apology of course.

What I realized though, is that I am at a stage in my life where I am ok..nee comfortable…nee at peace with my appearance and physical attributes. I have a sense of humor about it and don’t get offended easily. However, I DO get offended when that line is crossed and the question or comment is masked with concern or some other “I’m superior to you because my physical attributes are this” attitude. That is placing a value on me in comparison to you and that is unacceptable to me. I have learned that the older I get (and I’m 43) the less I actually know to be true. What was once youthful confidence in my beliefs that I fought tooth and nail for, is now sageful acceptance of the diversity of human beings. “Never assume” is now my motto.

By: class factotum

class factotum — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 00:37:58 +0000

RE The baby question:

Years ago, I was at a work dinner with a younger female colleague (~26) and a senior-level woman (~46). I was 32 at the time. The younger woman (YW) asked the older woman (OW) if OW had any children.

No, OW said.

Oh, replied YW. Didn’t you want any?

I kicked YW under the table and glared at her, but fortunately, OW was gracious and just said, Yes, we did but it didn’t work out for us.

I later grabbed YW and told her that this is a question that can reduce some women to tears and to Not Go There. I had friends who had already gone through surgery, drugs, etc, and who would get weepy if they learned a friend was pregnant.

By: Miss Conduct’s Mind Over Manners | Is narcissism the new humility?

Miss Conduct’s Mind Over Manners | Is narcissism the new humility? — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 10:21:48 +0000

[...] narcissism the new humility? Monday, June 22nd, 2009 | Uncategorized Apparently I’m not the only one. Many of you are also driven crazy by comments or questions that you know are wholly innocent and [...]

By: Bonnie B

Bonnie B — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 16:39:47 +0000

Oh my, I have to get down to reading your book! Is it really considered “distinctly rude” to compare someone’s appearance to that of Spock, when it wasn’t clearly stated with derision or a mocking tone? I’m glad you were amused and flattered by that question — I would think it should be considered a compliment in the same way that telling someone she looks like Halle Berry would be considered a compliment!