Today’s column
August 30th, 2009
… is online here. It’s rather epic.
You can read a follow-up blog post, and comment on my advice and the whole general issue of how to deal with people who are WRONG, here.
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My partner and I have slightly opposed political beliefs, though the way we apply those beliefs (and our priorities, I guess) lead us to very similar and compatible actual lifestyles. So the potential for conflict, especially when discussing more abstract things, is definitely there.
One decision-tree I’ve kind of developed over the course of my relationship with him is asking myself, “Does he have any power to solve the problem we’re arguing about?” If he does (if the intellectual conflict directly affects some concrete dynamic of our relationship), then I’ll engage (though I might shift off of the intellectual part and try to focus more on the concrete part). If he does not (if we’re arguing, for instance, about federal tax policies), then I’ll engage only to the level where we’re both still enjoying the discussion. If it gets heated, I back off or let it drop.
I don’t know if it’d work for everyone, but it’s worked for me for years.
(And I should say, I’m the one who backs off simply because I’m a hell of a lot more conflict-avoidant than he is. Dropping it is a way of taking care of myself, not of coddling him.)