We got in an argument a couple of weeks ago. And it’s an argument we’ve had before that basically boils down to him asking, “How do I do that?” It was a genuine question. And the “that” is something that seems so obvious and almost intrinsic to me; I didn’t even know where to begin to explain to him how to be, well, human. (I know that sounds mean.)
So when Wood-Robbins says, “my narrow, intense interests; and my need to learn, through clear, logical instruction, what everybody else learns intuitively” I think YES! That! That’s the problem!

To many people who don’t know my husband well, he does seem to be lacking in empathy. He’s been described as a robot or cyborg. He’s actually a caring man and full of compassion, but he just doesn’t know how to express it most of the time. It truly is a mystery to him, and that kind of blows my mind.

I love my husband so much and feel we are so wonderfully matched, but at the same time I realize that he often has a very different mental process from me. Living with him, being his partner in life, can be extremely frustrating, so I understand how you feel Robin. He has many great qualities though, so I am willing to put in the extra work.

That’s a harder burden to take on when the Aspie isn’t such a close loved one. That’s why I’m glad the disorder (or “disorder” as some see it) is being discussed more – to build understanding.

What I haven’t seen a lot of though are ways to interact with people with Asperger’s without coming away offended or feeling awkward. Then of course, you won’t always know someone is an Aspie. Hmmm.

Sometimes, I am also frustrated by Asperger’s. I would think that I would not be diagnosed as someone with it or high functioning Autism (because they may or may not be the same thing, jury is still out) but there are definitely times were I am socially awkward and I remember being explicitly taught (either by another or self-taught) many of the skills that those with the disease struggle with. I wasn’t born knowing that if someone asks how you are, you should answer (probably briefly and many times with “fine” despite reality because, well, no one really wants to know about your myriad aches, pains, trials and tribulations) AND respond in kind – I was taught by my parents and through observation of others. I remember explicitly watching a cousin of mine, who always seemed so comfortable in social situations, and then mimicking her and it worked. But it wasn’t innate, yet, especially in the context of neurotypical vs. Asperger’s, “they” make it seem like it is or should be. And I always wonder, do those with Asperger’s not see this interaction (because there are all sorts of applied behavior management programs where the skills can and are taught to those with Asperger’s) and therefore require MORE or better explicit instruction than your average person or have they just received less?

I think everyone could fall somewhere on the spectrum – as I said, if asked certain questions about social interaction, I could come across as someone with Asperger’s but I really don’t think I am.

So, to keep this from being a novel-length comment. I, too, am fascinated both with Asperger’s and its diagnosis. When I start debating it in my head – I can go for hours making mental ‘pro’ and ‘con’ lists regarding it. And, Miss Conduct, I would think you’re right, part of my fascination is that we try and make those with Asperger’s the “other” when, in reality, they might not be that far away from “self”.