Good grief, how the tempus does fugit! We were discussing career planning and all that a while back, remember? And I asked what kind of advice you’d gotten, best and worst? And geekgirl99 gave this as her worst career advice ever received: “If you could be happy doing anything else, you shouldn’t go into music,” and I got all excited and agreed with her loudly in a subsequent post. And then Shmeepod wrote a really interesting comment disagreeing with us, that I said I wanted to respond to, and never did, until now. Here’s what Shmeepod wrote:
At one point in my life I was very close to going to conservatory and embarking on a career as a professional musician. Now I am much happier doing something else and I have the “If you could be happy doing something else…” advice to thank for that. So I don’t think I am a person in the field who wants to feel special and I am not a non-artist who doesn’t realize that you can’t make a living in the field.
Many people in the fine arts community have had to overcome nay-sayers who have told them they could never make a living doing music or theater or whatever it is that they now do. I’ve noticed that this tends to create an attitude among career fine arts people that anyone who encourages a bit of thought or consideration before embarking on an arts career is just an uncultured meany who thinks that “no one can make a living as an artist”.
The problem is that young artists and musicians who are not sure whether or not they are suited for or even want to go into an arts career have no where to turn to get objective advice because their arts mentors will just think they are being influenced by uneducated nay-sayers. When I was making my decision, almost everyone I went to for advice (including my parents) encouraged me to stick with music for a career even after I expressed my dislike for rehearsals and practicing (both essential components of a music career). There is an overwhelming attitude that if a young person is good at some artistic endeavor then they must pursue it as a career.
Some young people, even though they may be incredibly gifted in the arts, would really be happier doing something else for a career. I think that thoughtfulness about what your passions are and what things really motivate you should be encouraged before deciding to embark on any career, but arts especially require real passion in order to be successful. You can still get by as a doctor or business person or scientist if don’t eat sleep and breath your career every minute of the day.
That is a really good counterpoint, and frankly, Shmeepod, I don’t think we disagree at all. (Except possibly about your last statement, but I’ll leave that to any doctors, businesspeople, or scientists among my readers to determine. If you want a career as an academic scientist, you really do have to eat, sleep, and breathe it every minute of the day.)
I’m sorry your advisers were idiots, which, frankly, they were. You don’t like rehearsing and practicing? Well heck no, you shouldn’t have been a musician! Your advisers sound like the kind of people who are so insecure in their own life choices that they have to continually push those choices on other people in order to validate themselves. If I can make Shmeepod become a musician, then that will prove that I was right to become a music teacher. It’s about the fears and hopes of the adviser, not the true desires of the advisee.
Because if you don’t like the process of a job, but only enjoy its final product, it’s the wrong job. I wrote about this kind of thing a year or so ago, and said, in part:
But here’s something to keep in mind: all jobs, all fields of endeavor have their drudgery, their boring side.
Choose one where you like the boring parts.
When I was in college, I was torn between journalism and theater (no surprise there, I suppose). What finally swayed me is that while I could see myself running the Op-Ed page of a major metropolitan daily, or going undercover to expose corrupt industries, or writing a wildly popular humor column, the idea of fact-checking obituaries made me want to scream. And that’s pretty much how you start out. I didn’t want to climb the ladder in journalism; I wanted to start on the middle rungs. But theater–oh, hell, I was happy just to be sweeping a stage. Cleaning paintbrushes. Running sound cues over and over and over. Bringing coffee to the director.
We have this weird notion in America that if you are good at something, you should do it, and if you should do it, you should do it professionally. How bizarre, really. For one thing, making money off something isn’t the only reason to do it. (Many of us enjoy the act of love; that does not mean we should join the oldest profession.) For another, let’s say you have Talent X. The official job for Talent X, however, will involve a lot of other skills and requirements that have nothing to do with X. How many of you good home cooks or bakers have been told, “You should open a restaurant!” or “You should be a caterer!” as though cooking talent is all that matters, as though people skills and entrepreneurial ability are just afterthoughts?
I think what I object to about the “If you could be happy doing anything else …” mantra is the notion that for each of us, there is One True Calling. For a few people, maybe, that’s how it works. For most of us? We could be happy doing a lot of things. It’s like the idea that there is One True Soulmate for each of us — a silly notion that has probably done a lot of harm, if people go around questioning the perfectly valid choices that they’ve made by thinking that having an awareness of viable alternatives means that they aren’t committed.
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9 Comments to 'Career advice and the pursuit of happiness'
December 10, 2009
I would LOVE a career where I could eat, sleep and breathe it for all the RIGHT reasons, and not the wrong ones. I hate not being able to sleep at night because the residents in the transitional housing facility I work at 12 hours a week are all getting on each others nerves. I hate that because I spend 23 hours a week trying to find OTHER people jobs, I have become disillusioned in my own job search.
I can’t wait for the economy to improve a little and I am able to find a job that fits in with my career goals, instead of one that (barely) pays the bills.
December 10, 2009
I’ve often been told I should open a restaurant. Last Saturday, I spent 6+ hours preparing a four course meal for my boyfriend and four friends out of Mastering the Art of French Cooking. If I cooked for a living, I would not have gotten any joy from that. It’s bad enough when work feels like work. Something you love should not start to feel like work.
Also, I pursued acting in high school and college and often got the “if you’ll be happy doing anything else, do that instead” talk. There was also “if you realize you’d rather be somewhere else (than rehearsal), then go.” It sounds harsh and trite, but the day I realized that I did not want to be in acting class listening to Actors talk about Acting, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I changed my major the next day, looked back just once to be sure, and moved on. Sometimes I miss performing. I do not miss the cattiness, being told to join Weight Watchers, and listening to Actors talk about Acting. (Intentional caps — I know I’m being snarky but surely someone will know what I mean.)
December 10, 2009
As a kid, I was always jealous of friends who had that one thing they did extremely well. It seemed like it simplified their choices for them. Of COURSE that one would be a dancer; she was born to it and it was her primary skill. OBVIOUSLY that one would be a scientist, that other a writer, etc. Part of the problem of being able to do so many things very well is that ultimately it’s extremely difficult to settle on one to the exclusion of all others.
My brain is in a sinusitis fog so I can’t recall the name, but there was an author who wrote about how truly successful (i.e. top of their profession) people are those with single competencies. They live and breathe one thing that becomes the top priority in their lives. Anyone familiar with it?
December 10, 2009
Oh, Amy R., I understand your snarky caps completely. I loved my theatre days — high school and college, but I knew I didn’t have the drive to purusue that as a career.
I personally always hated being told what I should do. Still do. I made a career out of a complete accident, and while I do absolutely hate some of the busy work, there are things that make up for it nearly every day. And you have to file at nearly all jobs (especiallly if you’re inclined to create additional filing systems regularly like me.)
December 10, 2009
Amy R., I too could go the rest of my life quite happily without ever hearing anyone refer to their body as their “instrument” again. Although now that I’m getting back into theater as a board member, occasional writer, and general patroness of the arts (which sounds like I should have a lot more money than I do) I find how much I’ve really missed hanging with theater folk. It’s such a weird business to be in, though, when you have to go from competing like hell to win a role away from someone one day, and the next you’re in show with them and you have to be all vulnerability and honesty. My place in the theater world now is very comfortable; Actors talk about Acting in a different way to people like me than they do to other actors.
Veronica, I’m sorry. That sounds horrible. I hope you can find something better soon. Responsibility without power is one of the most crazy-making things in the world.
December 10, 2009
Robin:
The advantage to the job I hate, is that I spend so much time helping other people find jobs and figure out what they like/don’t like, I am learning what parts of the job I can deal with and which ones I absolutely can’t.
From now on, urine analyses are a deal breaker along with too much unstructured time.
December 11, 2009
Robin, i basically lit up when i read this sentence, “Choose one where you like the boring parts.”
i couldn’t agree more. when i was looking at colleges, there was a lot of pressure for me to be an engineer. i’m a female math/science geek who competetively built robots for three years, so it was decided by everyone who knew me that if i did anything else i would be “throwing it all away.”
every engineering school i looked at had amazing advanced classes but the absolute worst classes for the first 2-3 years. people kept telling me that that’s simply part of life; everyone hates the requirements.
then, on a whim, i checked the box next to “international affairs” and went to an info session. every single requirement they mentioned sounded amazing. i’ve never felt like anything was boring or required because i’ve enjoyed every second of it.
sure, i could’ve put up with 3 years of boring engineering classes, but why do that when instead i love every minute of all my international affairs classes?
December 11, 2009
Speaking from the other side of the career path–retirement–many of my friends and family, I among them, have time to return now to the things we loved doing when we were younger, but could not figure out how to turn into jobs that would really pay the rent and fund college educations for our children. Some are in fine arts, and actually selling pieces from time to time. Others are political activists or doing volunteer work that serves their communities. Some of us retired early just because we wanted a lot more time to express our creative impulses.
Especially if there are multiple things that you love, and I did love my work for many years, you may very well have more than one chance at them.
December 19, 2009
My husband and I talk about this all the time! Also its antipode, the idea that you shouldn’t do things that you do not have a natural talent or gift for doing. How boring the world would be (and how unhappy I would be at any of the other jobs I had before I went back to school) if that were true! One of the most constructive experiences of my life was going back to school for science and NOT being instantly good at it, having to struggle and wrestle with the material — and how victorious I felt when it worked! Taking risks, hard work and dedication are celebrated sometimes in American culture via sports movies, but how rarely do we receive the message that it’s ok to turn your back on something that comes easily.
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