Bitchin’ Menorah!

I love this blog. I love writing for it, I love the variety of stuff I can post about, I love the comments you all make. I know that not every post is going to hit home to every reader: some of you might not be interested in dogs, or Shakespeare, or Judaism, or television, or fashion. That’s cool. In almost all my posts, I try to make it not just about the ostensible topic, but to include some kind of universal theme about how we live in the world. But I still don’t expect everyone to read everything, or check the comments on posts they aren’t interested in.

Which means that, if a comment thread goes off in a totally different direction, you might just miss something good. Somehow my Monday fashion post got into a discussion of menorahs, when EA Week asked me if I’d seen the Star Trek menorah:

… which of course I had, and I pointed out the awesome Steampunk Menorah on BoingBoing:

… and described it as “one bitchin’ menorah,” and then challenged my friend Molly to write a parody of the Dead Milkmen’s “Bitchin’ Camaro.” Molly, you may recall, is the author of the Pirate’s Prayer, and this was a triple-dog-dare she couldn’t turn down. So here, on the last night of Hanukkah, for all you punk rockers out there, I give you:

BITCHIN’ MENORAH

Bitchin’ Menorah, Bitchin’ Menorah!
Displayed to all the neighbors
Bitchin’ Menorah, Bitchin’ Menorah!
Each night, lightin’ more of the tapers

Got myself a bitchin’ menorah
With candles that light in a flash
I light it with a flamethrower so
I don’t need no freakin’ match

I set the curtains on fire
The first night of Chanukah
I didn’t get in trouble ’cause
I didn’t break halacha [or “Jewish law”, depending on your audience]

Bitchin’ Menorah, Bitchin’ Menorah!
Polished to a high gloss
Bitchin’ Menorah, Bitchin’ Menorah!
Latkes with bourbon sauce

When I take it to shul
They kvetch about it all week
Cause I’ve got a bitchin’ menorah
And mad lighting technique

So you’d better get out of my way
Whether it’s night one or eight
Cause I’ve got a bitchin’ menorah
And a dreidl game that can’t wait

Bitchin’ Menorah, Bitchin’ Menorah!
Givin’ the Gentiles fits!
Bitchin’ Menorah, Bitchin’ Menorah!
I’m drunk on Maneschewitz!

About three times as long as song it was based on, and four times as funny as Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song.” Rock on, Molly!

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