On the gender issue question — I’d think a male picky eater would have even more social stigma, since men are supposed to be “adventurous” and not scared of spices and stuff. On the other hand, if he can sell it as “being a meat and potatoes kind of guy”, he’s got cultural bias in his favor, so who knows.

It’s hard to socialize and even more so to date when you don’t want to disclose the exact state of your digestive system to every person you meet. There was this classy bar downtown where I lived, and every date I had for months, we went there. The bartenders and waitstaff must have noticed, but at least I knew their chicken sandwich was particularly good.

For me, going back to Sally, it was also a gender issue. I didn’t want to be seen as the picky woman, particular about food, who didn’t eat anything. Yet, often that’s who I get to be. (Side note to restaurants: You really should list “cheese” on every single dish that contains it. Seriously. Especially since you put it on all sorts of odd things now.)

And then there was the member of my congregation whose brother married into a wonderful warm southern Christian family. To make him feel at home his mother-in-law got a Jewish cook book and made gefilte fish, with catfish!

Fortunately in both cases the gentlemen were Reform Jews who didn’t keep Kosher.

Are nausea, diarrhea, and constipation considered “new experiences”? Would a general openness to swelling and itching count? ;-)

I’m engaged to someone who I did, in fact, enjoy dating because he was so open to different foods (it’s never been a criteria of mine, but it was nice). Then he discovered he was gluten intolerant. Then I realized I need to go easy on the dairy products. Now he’s starting to rethink soy.

Since I do almost all the cooking for the two of us, it’s been a bit of a challenge to stay on top of the restrictions, but it’s more than worth the trouble. As Shulamuth points out, I think the ability to handle other people’s needs with grace and compassion says a lot more about a person’s openness to the world than does a list of their favorite restaurants.

It’s amazing how many people get really defensive about not being vegetarians. Dude, I don’t care how much steak you eat, but I don’t want to encounter unexpected bacon.

Did I tell you that there was ham in the croissants at kiddush a few weeks ago? The presiding rabbi didn’t know whether to be amused or appalled. I think she settled for both.

From the other side: I am (knock wood and cross fingers still an omnivore who has never met a cuisine I didn’t like, but even with that, medication controlled type II diabetes means I need to pay attention. And I’ve got lots of friends on food restrictions of one sort or another.

One of my favorite activities is entertaining. So I’ve tried to move the whole food/bonding thing into taking a creative approach to serving people things they can enjoy.

I see this as speaking to MY “general openness to the world and new experiences”. It’s certainly led me to interesting recipes and a lot of experiments to come up with things like non-hockey-puck eggless-latkes, nut-flour cakes and avoiding corn byproducts (which is must harder than one would think — the stuff is ubiquitous!)

When I lay out this contradiction in typed words, it seems rather silly, but I can’t seem to get past it for more than a few weeks at a time. An invitation to an interesting restaurant (and I *am* a bit of a foodie who loves to find new places) can cause me to burst into tears since I want to be social but I don’t want to order the damned grilled chicken sandwich again (and that’s the only thing on the menu I can eat safely).