Now that we’re halfway into the month, let’s talk New Year’s resolutions! I asked you all about yours a while back, and never really followed up on that.
I’ve always found the NYE resolution to be an interesting beast. On the one hand, there is something that seems very natural about a season of excess followed by a period of restraint and sacrifice: it’s a pattern you see in too many cultures and religions to ignore. On the other hand, the way so many people do NYE resolutions seems set up to guarantee failure: black-and-white absolutes, with no room for the inevitable backsliding. By the second week in February, you’ve already missed your goal of getting to the gym four times a week, so you just quit entirely.
I was pondering what my own 2010 resolutions and goals should be, and then more or less got handed a new set by my doctors: quit drinking, and change my entire eating pattern. Which was a little more ambitious than anything I was planning to carve out for myself, I tell you what. Here’s what’s helped:
1. Not having a choice. I’ve never been a fan of the classic AA notion that one must “hit bottom” (is that still a going concern in AA, or have they more or less dropped that idea?) before making a change. Still, there’s something to be said for having one’s doctor say “Yes, there is a real problem, and you can and must stop this problem now.” (Funny, on the other blog we are discussing why people write in to advice columns, and one thing that a number of folks mentioned, that hadn’t really occurred to me, was that the columnist not only provides a reality check, but also a sort of kick in the butt, just as my doctor did for me. Having someone say not only, “Yes, you’re right, there is a problem,” but say “And you need to do something about it now.”)
2. Quick feedback. I think this is something that scuttles a lot of NYE resolutions — people simply don’t see results fast enough, so they get discouraged and quit. I was lucky, because I felt markedly better after only a few days of getting on the right meds and knocking off the booze and spice. But let’s face it, a lot of good habits actually make you feel worse when you start. Sure, going to the gym will give you more energy and a better mood … after a few weeks. Before that, it will make you tired and cranky. So if the behavioral change itself won’t give you immediate, positive feedback, figure out a way to implement some little reward system, so you’ll know you’re getting somewhere.
3. Taking positive action. It’s always easier to do something than to not do something. (As you read the rest of this post, do not think of a white bear. See?) I’ve decided to look at my new diet as a chance to explore new cooking techniques and ingredients, rather than as simply giving up X, Y, and Z. WES alluded to a similar idea:
I think I have stumbled on an epiphany for my new year’s resolutions. In the past those pesky resolutions were things I knew I **should** do even if I didn’t want to do them. However this year I am making my goals shorter and more in tune with what I want to do. And if I finish them before the year is up great, I might do new ones in July!
So rather than my resolution to go on a diet my resolution is to crochet more and learn a new technique. It is a calming activity, allows me to be creative, and while still a sedentary activity it has the added bonus of you really cannot eat/munch while crocheting. And snacking is a big weakness of mine so really it should be a win win.
4. Communication and support. The research on the extent to which social networks affect behavior is impressive and grows more every day. We need our friends to support the kinds of things we do, the kind of person we want to be. It’s been immensely good for me to be able to write about my health issues here, and feel that by doing so, I’ve opened up a forum for other people to share their own experiences. It’s also been good to have a couple of weeks of minimal socializing, so I can get my new habits well under control before having to attend a cocktail party. And Mr. Improbable and I have had a number of conversations about how his life (since I do the cooking) will and won’t change.
Some further thoughts on your comments …
TJ wrote, “I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions (those always seem a little overwhelming), but I (along with my family) make resolutions with a more limited time frame.” I like that; I like that a lot. Make goals for a month or so, not for the entire year. I wonder if that isn’t what people do anyway, really … there’s the New Year’s Eve goals, and then spring cleaning and getting in shape for summer, and then back-to-school season.
Anne with an E wrote, “I resolve to stop waiting until the time is right/we have the dough to throw a huge shindig before inviting people over. Pizza and game night for six is just as fun as a BBQ for thirty (with a lot less cleanup.)” YES! I figured this out about four or five years ago and it was quite a revelation. And with six or eight people, everyone can really get to know each other. (Note for Bostonians — Redbones BBQ delivers, and they are very good. They also have enough good sides that any vegetarians will be taken care of. Highly recommended for informal parties.)
Military Mom wrote:
My first resolution is to stop agreeing to do or help with activities without REALLY stopping to assess if I have time or want to do it. Up until now I’ve volunteered when other people need help and have almost always regretted it afterwards. My second is to try to lower my stress level. This will require the rest of my family to step up and help, but I think they are recognizing my stress is affecting my health…and therefore their lives too…
Good luck with those two, obviously related, resolutions. I’m sure it’s something many, many of us can relate to.
How about the rest of you? How are your resolutions working out?
Subscribe to Robin Abrahams' Blog
6 Comments to 'New Year’s resolutions'
January 15, 2010
I haven’t made any formal resolutions but there are a couple things I’ve actually taken action on instead of just thinking about it. For example: making friends outside of work in your twenties is hard (it’s hard at any age probably) and I’ve been thinking for awhile about starting a book club for grownups who love young adult novels in order to discover new books and new people. So I’ve finally actually done it. I think I finally did it because the couple people I mentioned it to were really excited, so it was easier to take the leap. Hopefully all goes well…or you’ll see me in chat in desperate need of book club etiquette help.
January 15, 2010
I generally try to avoid making New Year’s resolutions in January–especially anything diet or exercise related–because it’s such a difficult time of year. On top of the stress of the holidays (and for me, end-of-semester pressures due to working in academia), you generally have bad weather (and all its attendant worries: everything from road accidents to losing electricity) and shorter daylight hours, which can be a leech on energy levels. Who wants to stop eating and/or drag themselves to a gym when it’s dark, or overcast, sleeting, and generally miserable?
The resolutions I find work the best are simple, practical, and can be broken down into a series of smaller steps. A common one for me is “get my finances in order,” which usually involves paying off holiday bills, filing my taxes, getting (and hopefully keeping) my credit card balance paid down, and at some point during the year, meeting with a financial advisor to go over my investment strategies. Oh yeah, and dumping that tax refund straight into my savings account before I’m tempted to spend it on something frivolous.
I’ve also made resolutions about things like staying in better contact with my far-flung friends, even if it’s just to send them the occasional email to ask how they’re doing. This is the sort of thing that has more immediate results than a six-month plan to lose 20 pounds, or a five-year plan to save a down payment for a condominium.
Perhaps because my life has always revolved around a school calendar (literally since age six), “new year” to me is always the Wednesday after Labor Day, and when it comes to diet or exercise resolutions, I find that’s the best time of year to begin. The worst of summer’s heat/ humidity is generally over, winter weather is still three or four months away, and there’s still plenty of daylight. I find I have much less need to eat for warmth/ energy/ comfort (or in the case of summer, ice cream to stay cool, LOL!). An added bonus is that when the bad weather does finally hit, my exercise program is now habit, and I’ve begun to see enough results so that I’m motivated to stick with the program and do more. And if I lose a day or two due to bad weather, it’s no problem at all getting back into the swing of things when the snow stops and the roads are open.
Two years ago, in the September after my fortieth birthday, I made what for me was a very, very scary decision to join a master’s swimming class that was starting up in the club where I work out. I had been lap swimming for years, but the thought of working out with other people was daunting. But the class was free for gym members, and I basically made myself attend the first few classes. I loved it immediately, even though the workouts were difficult and I felt intimidated by the better swimmers in the class. Flash forward two and a half years later, and I’ve just completed my second “hour swim” (it’s a national event, where you swim nonstop for one hour), covering 3220 yards (that’s roughly 1.8 miles). I was gobsmacked to realized I’d covered more yards than a woman in the class who is a competitive triathlete and who completed her first Ironman this past summer!
So maybe the problem with the new year is that it’s in January. If you like resolutions, try making them at another time of year–the results may surprise you!
January 15, 2010
My resolution is to Do More Stuff. I live in Boston, which is full of events all the time, but on any given weekend you’ll find me watching TV at home. If I keep up with my resolution, I’ll have fun, see my friends more, maybe learn something, support bands I like, etc. So far in 2010 I haven’t done anything that would qualify (e.g., concerts, theater, trendy new restaurants), but in the next two months I have 4 events on my calendar – way above my average, so I’m happy with it. Holding me back is my refusal to go without sleep, so when I get invited to something that starts 10 p.m. on a weeknight, it’s pretty much an automatic no.
January 15, 2010
Your point about quick feedback is interesting. I resolved to floss my teeth more often (I was starting from “never” and have been able to hold myself to 5-6 times a week), and yesterday I got a reminder card that I have a dentist’s appointment in two weeks. It definitely gave me a bit more momentum to think that someone would be “grading me,” I guess — though my current dentist is one of the least judgmental dentists I’ve ever had, so he might not even comment, but still! It gives me something to work toward! Which is good! :-)
January 15, 2010
My resolution was to break down Big Projects into smaller projects that I could complete and feel motivated. So far, so good.
I have a sick that can be controlled by diet and which had gotten out of control because I had gotten lazy and sloppy. I partnered with a friend of mine who wanted to eat better herself, and we did a full week cooking challenge last week. We both thought it was a raging success and are thinking of doing it monthly. I feel 85% better than I did before, too.
I have also made slight but meaningful progress on my “learn enough to teach this darn class I got myself committed to this summer” goal by setting goals like “read these three articles this week” level goals.
And finally, in order to reinfuse my knitting life, I took on two projects for two friends and agreed to teach four co-workers to knit at lunch time.
I’m actually feeling really optimistic about 2010, and I love my resolution.
January 15, 2010
eh..my devil cards still own my soul. and things keep popping up that prevent me from not using them. like my car needs a lot of repairs, i use my car on the job so no car means no job. but i crunched the numbers and barring anything unforseen, i should be able to have one completely paid off with the next paycheck. the other i’ll have to chip away at bit by bit
Leave a comment