Today’s column
… is online here.
Regarding the first question, I was somewhat relieved to read my response. (My deadlines are four weeks in advance, so I don’t see what I’ve written for a while. I mean, obviously, I could go back and read my own files, but for some reason I’m superstitious about not doing that.) This is the first letter I’ve ever answered that was sent to me by regular mail — I only get one or two real postal letters a year, compared to a dozen or so e-mail questions a week — and I wish I could scan the entire thing and post it for you, so you could truly get a sense of the “Miss Lonelyhearts” quality of it: written on lined paper, in a shaky print, with the word “stump” mentioned in nearly every sentence. (I had to edit it down.) That feels like a violation of privacy of the writer, though.
Anyway, I’ve never before written a column in a white heat of emotion and sent it off without looking at it a second time. Which I did with this one, because it hit me so hard. And I’m glad to see that now, with a cooler head, I am proud of what I wrote.
UPDATE: And on a lighter note, I obviously wrote this column before the current season of “Lost” debuted. Having now seen it, I stand even more strongly by my advice that people deserve to have it explained to them in their native language.
Filed under Uncategorized | Comments (9)
9 Responses to “Today’s column”
Leave a Reply
Subscribe
I have a multiply handicapped brother, and my own grandmother used to go off on rants to her close friends about what a shame it was and how she didn’t know how my mother coped without crying. I loved my grandmother and I realised she needed to express her feelings, but that particular quirk of hers drove me nuts. I thought your advice was absolutely right.
Thank you, Ankaret. I really, really hope something good can come of it for that girl.
I agree, although if the kid is indeed willing to run around in shorts and swimsuits, I’m not sure the issue is as dire as it could be.
(On the other hand, as the 60 year old grandmother of an 18 year old, I’m not sure that the comments about age are going to hit home. Remarkable numbers of my contemporaries don’t acknowledge that they aren’t the same babes they were 30 years ago.)
(On the other hand, as the 60 year old grandmother of an 18 year old, I’m not sure that the comments about age are going to hit home. Remarkable numbers of my contemporaries don’t acknowledge that they aren’t the same babes they were 30 years ago.)
I think it’s kind of funny that this is the case in the comments on the Globe site, because it exactly proves Robin’s point. People are having this “I’m not old! I’m the same as I used to be!” reaction, which is probably more or less how the 12-year-old would like people to feel about her.
I find that reaction ridiculous. For one thing, how anyone can read that letter and have their primary response be, “But *I* am still young and strong and beautiful!” rather than compassion for the granddaughter is beyond me. Clearly, some folks grow older but not up.
Second, how much in denial can folks be? I’m 42. That’s relatively young, but come on. I make these involuntary noises when I get up from a kneeling or crouching position that I didn’t used to. I can’t recover from a long night of revelry or work as fast as I once could. I don’t break mirrors when I look into them — but I don’t turn heads when I walk into a room, either, and when I was 25 I did. I have plenty of “senior moments” (according to latest research, those start in your late 20s).
Anyone who thinks they’re the same person at 75 as they were at 40, or at 40 as they were at 25, is delusional.
BTW, Shulamuth, I too am impressed with the girl’s resilience. But the full letter made clear that she *is* aware of her grandmother’s feelings, and that it does affect her.
My comment was about tactics, not truth. The woman writing the letter sounded sufficiently hung up in her own world view that it occurred to me she might not get the analogy.
It didn’t occur to me that a portion of the reading public would have the same issues. I’m somewhat appalled.
No, I got that, Shulamuth. I wasn’t ranting at you, just, um, around you. (My husband learned to tell THAT difference long ago!)
What a great way of phrasing that difference! I’m adding it to my vocabulary.
My husband was born with a rare joint condition that required multiple major surgeries in childhood (like, 19 or 20; he lost track), beginning before he turned one. His mother finally had to ban her own mother from coming to “help” during his long hospital sojourns. She would sweep into his room sobbing “My baby! My baby! What have they done to my baby!” and it would get more drama-laden from there.
So, Ankaret, there’s another grandmother who couldn’t control her own emotional responses around her grandson. Interesting, these grandmothers overwhelmed by these situations. Perhaps the mothers and fathers are close enough to the children and intimate enough with the medical mishegas to see the whole child in perspective, rather than inflating the medical issues out of proportion.
Obviously, I strongly agree that your advice was right on the money, Robin.