Today’s column
… is online here, and I am so not going to read the comments on this one.
If you are interested in reading more about Fat Acceptance, take a look at the Shapely Prose FAQ. Shapely Prose has gone from primarily a fat-acceptance blog to a more general blog about women’s issues, pop culture, and feminism (which is no criticism; hey, blogs evolve), but the FAQ has links to some of the classic posts. [Ed.--SP is currently on hiatus for a bit, not unlike my boston.com blog. Just saw that this morning.]
Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby (aka “The Rotund“) co-authored a book called Lessons from the Fat-O-Sphere, which I recommend in the bibliography of Mind over Manners. For more on Health at Every Size (HAES), you can check out Linda Bacon’s book on the topic. (Yeah, I think it’s funny that an anti-diet writer is named “Bacon,” too. It’s okay to laugh.)
Finally, here is a recent article by Paul Campos on Michelle Obama’s initiative against childhood obesity.
And, uh, yeah, I really don’t support hitting people at museum receptions.
UPDATE: Oh, I forgot to add two other links of interest. One is the blog Fat Nutritionist, which I have recently started to read regularly. This post, in particular, is a must-read. Also, this excellent post from Bitch Ph.D. (apologies if anyone’s offended by the blog title; I try to keep it PG-rated around here, but I certainly follow plenty of high-quality blogs that don’t) explains why poor people don’t eat better. And it isn’t because they aren’t reading Michael Pollan.
I’m focusing so hard on the body-acceptance paragraph of my long response because that is obviously the most controversial aspect of what I wrote. However, if you are already on board that train, and more interested in how to avoid awkward moments at a museum date, eHow has the answers for you.
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7 Responses to “Today’s column”
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Fatshonista is good for FA, too! Love her.
I just read the column, and I agree with you very much about the situation. It’s really not acceptable to hit someone like that. But I also like how you zeroed in on a major problem, that is the treatment of women’s bodies as public property. I’ve also found, as a fat woman, it’s sort of implied that I should love getting positive comments about my body, as if it’s a gift or something. (Or sometimes, it’s sort of like a deal, where he says I’m attractive, and then I have to go out with him.)
I also think it’s worth mentioning that I never thought my two favorite aspects of the Globe besides the Sports section would be the relationship advice column and the etiquette column. But I can’t help it! It’s so wonderful to have intelligent, progressive columns.
Congrats to MC for addressing all aspects of this writer’s question so well.
Poor nebbish! He’s obviously low on the social skills. I’m not sure I even take this as a “fat” issue (since it kind of sounds like he’s fat-, or at least hour-glass, positive) so much as a Keep Your Bloody Mind Off My Body issue. Why do people think they have a perfect right to comment on looks, period?
Another peeve is people who assume that any non-negative comment is a compliment. To take it out of the fat-fight, I often get “Oh, you have such curly hair”. (Really? I always thought I looked like Joan Baez.) From tone of voice these people seem to think they are saying something complimentary, but it’s just a statement of fact. Drives me crazy, as really do know that I have curly hair and blue eyes, and that I’m fat (per BMI charts) and old (or at least get Senior discounts). So being told that I had an hour-glass figure (which I did before the sands of time shifted) would drive me nuts on two counts, fat and obvious.
FWIW, I just checked out the comments, and (except, one assumes, for the one that got removed) they were all perfectly reasonable.
The comments were definitely not as flamer-y as I expected.
I think that addressing the “female body as public commodity” issue was necessary to explain to the LW why his comment was inappropriate. Yes, her response was inappropriate — good grief, was it inappropriate — but his question was basically “what did I say wrong?” And I think it answered that in an instructive and not condescending manner. Men (and women) are never going to understand why a statement meant as a “compliment” can be offensive and inappropriate unless it’s explained to them.
I appreciate you putting yourself out there as a fat-acceptance advocate.
Your explanation about the inappropriateness of commenting on a person’s body is excellent. I like that it’s straightforward.
“I appreciate you putting yourself out there as a fat-acceptance advocate.” –Stupendousness
Not just fat acceptance, but body acceptance in general. You’d be surprised how many people have told me I’m too thin and said things like, “You’re not going to try to lose any more weight now, are you?!?!!?”, as if I were not an adult, fully capable of making that decision on my own. The weird assumption here seems to be that since I’m thin, any remark about my body should be taken as a compliment. Interestingly, it’s always women who say things like this to me.
Misplaced envy, often, I would imagine.
I’ve taken to telling people I’ve put on a few pounds and I think they suit me when they tell me I look like I’ve dropped some. It’s not usually true (as my weight is pretty stable) but it drops them in their tracks.