I needed to read this today
Maybe you do, too. From my favorite beauty blog, Already Pretty:
And sometimes, when I’m curled up in bed listening to the alarm clock yammer at me about getting up, I think, “Why bother? Why not just throw on a sweater and jeans, put my hair in a ponytail, and slog into work un-showered? Who would care, or even notice a difference?” Sometimes when it’s 30 below and I’ve had a long day at work, I look at my gym bag and think, “Why bother? One less workout isn’t going to make a difference.” Sometimes I look at my unruly and deeply high-maintenance mop and think, “Why bother? I’ve got hats.”
Read the whole thing. I am starting to have a serious girl-crush on this woman. Michelle Obama, you have been warned. Your days as my fashion icon are numbered.
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I understand that it’s a style blog, so that’s why it’s focused on striking the balance for maintaining your looks, but I think it’s a bit dodgy to focus on self-care as it pertains to only looks, particularly in those areas that are never required of men.
Like, I didn’t see read a novel on that list, I saw buy new lipstick. And while anyone is welcome to wear any amount of makeup they like, I think it’s a good litmus test to ask “If I were a dude, would society require this of me? If not, then how sure am I that I’m making a free choice and that this lash lengthening mascara isn’t just a way to eat up a woman’s time and separate her from her money?”
Robin, I’m so flattered. My gosh, I’m blushing! Thanks so much for the shout-out, and I’m floored to be vying for Michelle’s spot.
Gnatalby: My blog is specific to body image and style, hence the focus on those topics. The self-care regimens I’m discussing pertain to health, beauty, and style specifically, as those are the subjects around which the blog revolves.
And I’m not advocating that anyone do things that society requires of them, or that are subtly required of women but not men. As I stated in the post, I engage in these self-care behaviors for myself, because they are important TO ME in the end. And I trust myself to know the difference between wanting to dress up because it makes me feel fabulous and wanting to dress up so that I can fit some societal beauty ideal.
Additionally, this post is meant to support women who are criticized for being shallow when they buy a new lipstick after a crappy day. Some prefer to curl up with a good book, some buy a new lipstick. To each her own, no?
I certainly consider myself a feminist, but I also consider myself a student of human nature, and grooming is a universal. We are a social, visual species, and nothing is going to change that. If one genuinely feels better in schlubby sweats with unbrushed hair, then one should go for it. Personally, I don’t.
(And the dichotomy between a new lipstick and a good book is a false one, anyway: some of us like both.)
It’s also interesting, Gnatalby, to think about what you mean when you say “dude.” I will never forget giving the “women have more of a burden to look good” talk when I was a psych professor, and mentioning that a man can get away with a uniform of black t-shirt/sweater and khakis every day, and women can’t. One of my male African-American students said, “Not if you’re black, you can’t.” He pointed out that the black community can have very high standards for male appearance. So what’s true of men like my husband — middle-class, white, slender, employed in the sort of knowledge work where geekiness and/or an “absentminded professor” look is universally accepted — isn’t true of all dudes. Black, gay, Latino men, men in different industries, all have different levels of expectations put on them.
Oh, and speaking of black people, Gnatalby, I’m really glad to hear someone else was as completely floored by “Scott’s Tots” as I was. I was sort of shocked that, as many progressive and pop-culture blogs/webzines as I follow, no one called that out. AND THE FACT THAT STANLEY WAS LAUGHING DIDN’T MAKE IT OKAY! (Sorry for yelling.) Stanley is well established as the most nihilistic character outside of a Beckett play.
Yeah, I totally agree about your point that it’s really only white men who get make totally unconstrained choices about grooming.
There was a thread on feministe this week about what women do in terms of pubic hair removal, and there were number of women saying that they remove it all because it makes them feel great and they choose their choice and whatnot, and one of the commenters pointed out that 15 years ago practically no women were doing this, so the same people who claim “It just feels good!” were not spontaneously removing all their body hair even in the recent past.
I agree, to each her own, but some choices that have quantifiable drawbacks for women, whether in time or energy spent, are given a really hard sell, to the point that women’s femininity is questioned if they just leave their body the way it grows. So the reason lipstick makes you feel good is probably not that there’s something inherently pleasing about waxy lips but because you then get some social rewards, and while it’s totally fine and normal to go after those rewards, it’s a little depressing to see “change how your body naturally looks” listed as self-care.
Is there any culture in which people don’t change how their body naturally looks, though? This is kind of what I’m saying. I think body modification, whether lipstick or footbinding or shaving one’s beard or simply wearing clothes, is a natural act. Some types are more dangerous, more bound up with otherwise oppressive social norms, more damaging, but I think the urge to modify our appearance is part of human nature.
In general I don’t find “natural” to be a good metric for “good for people.” After all dying of pneumonia is pretty natural, and rape seems to be a ubiquitous part of human nature but I’m sure we are all in agreement that these are not great for people.
“So the reason lipstick makes you feel good is probably not that there’s something inherently pleasing about waxy lips but because you then get some social rewards”
This made me stop and think about my love of lipstick: why do I love it so? Social rewards? That didn’t feel right, especially since the spouse doesn’t particularly like it when I wear it, and I don’t think the guys at work notice.
I think it comes down to liking the way a well-chosen lipstick looks, on me and on others. I think, more than anything else, it’s an aesthetic thing. The pleasure I get feels like the same pleasure I get from seeing a gold bracelet against my skin with its gold undertone, from having a bob (after years of coveting one and never being able to get one that works with my hair…)
Also, count me among Sally’s fans. I’m pretty sure I found out about her here…