Because my friends write updates like this:
[Name] would like to apologize to Rebecca for the whole throwing-the-towel-wrapped-garter-snake-at-you incident this afternoon. It was not a good panic move on my part. The snake is no longer in my front yard and is somewhere happier than my living room due to your keen eyesight. Thank you and please visit again soon!
As a lifelong fan of Dorothy Parker, I’ve always admired how she could compress into a short story what might take other writers an entire novel to communicate. My snake-throwing friend clearly has a similar gift.