From the archives
October 12th, 2010
I’m working on a column about how to ask guests to remove their shoes when they come to your house, and looked back to the Miss Conduct blog, where I knew I’d done a question about it. Sure enough, 132 comments. Including this gem from Harriet Warner, which I somehow missed the first time around:
Anybody who lives with dogs should accept guests with shoes. Dogs do not remove their feet when they come back inside.
UPDATE: Oh, and this one from Marcus:
Learn to mop and vacuum your floors. It’s nearly as rewarding as clutching one’s pearls and exclaiming, “Think of the children.”
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Looks like you’ve gotten the same letter as another columnist, again – see today’s Dear Prudence: (video)
http://www.slate.com/id/2270845/
update – direct link:
http://www.slatev.com/video/dear-prudence-ocd-neat-freak/
In my neck of the woods (West Coast of Canada) shoe removal seems to be the default behaviour. I have to repeat “No, no, leave your shoes on, its ok” to both guests and trades people. I know one or two people who keep a basket of knit slippers by the door, this seems both fair and tactful to me (in case of socks with holes etc.)
I feel like whenever this question comes up I have to wave my little shoe-wearing flag. I think that this seems like a matter of hygiene and polite assimilation behavior to most people (i.e., it keeps the floors clean, and if someone wants you to take their shoes off in their house, you just hush up and do it whether it’s your own custom or not). But there are good reasons – beyond neglected pedicures – why some people might find it really dismaying to be asked to take their shoes off.
My husband, for example, born with a condition that affected the development of his lower body, including his feet. He can walk a few steps, with crutches (he generally uses a wheelchair), but he cannot stand or walk unless he is wearing shoes, and not just any shoes, but very supportive high tops such as hiking boots. He is also very sensitive about the appearance of his feet (which, really, is fine, but whatever, he’s got a lifelong complex and HE doesn’t think so).
That’s a dramatic example. But then there’s me, with a much more garden variety issue. I have super flat feet, and have to wear orthotics all the time. It’s really painful for me to be barefoot. If I was at your party and I had to take my shoes off, I’d have to sit down all night.
Just sayin’. Not that you asked.
MJ, in my answer, I give the LW all the best practices for shoe-removing households: have fluffy slippers/socks, a bench, etc. Then I also explain how people feel about being asked to remove their shoes, and give a short list of some kinds of folks who have particular problems, like you and your husband. It’s going to be up to the LW what to do with the information.
I’m realizing more and more how many people write to me asking for “A polite way to ask/tell someone X,Y,Z,” when in fact they mean “A way to get what I want without making anyone mad at me.” Which in fact has nothing to do with etiquette.
I hate this question. I am a shoe wearing person, yet I love going around in bare feet, I am a walking contradiction. I wear my shoes (and I am talking shoes, not winter boots or stuff that I was walking in while hiking or doing yard/garden work in)90% of the time. Why? Because I grew up doing it, my feet are cold and I don’t like slippers. I will take my shoes off at other people’s houses if they do basically I follow the when in Rome theory.
I don’t get the idea that taking your shoes of makes you place any more clean than if you didn’t. Especially with people with pets, Fido I am sure doesn’t take his shoes off when entering the house, and I am sure Fluffy doesn’t take her shoes off after she has done her business in the litter box.
I don’t buy the argument of winter brings wet and sandy shoes either. For most people if you look at the sole of your shoe your walking from a parking space to a house even in winter if you wipe your shoes on a rug they will be dry and free of sand and/or salt. And for what is is worth I grew up in western PA so I saw my fair share of hard winters, most winters here in NE are not worse than what I experienced growing up, they are about the same if not a tiny bit less snowy.
Mr. Rogers always took his outside shoes off and put his inside shoes on during the introduction of his TV show. Too bad he never did a segment on shoe etiquette.