When life gives you spam, make spamerade. That’s my motto, and it explains why no one ever drinks my signature cocktails at parties.
I’ve been collecting good names from my spam folder for a while now, and I think I’m ready to bring them out and let you play with them, too:
Hawk J. Zou
Here’s what I propose we do: write a little novel together, or at least the bones of one. Because how wonderful are these character names? I’ve figured out who some of them are:
Confidence Namogo is the protagonist, a cheerful and strong-willed young woman in her mid-twenties. Confidence has a generally good nature, but her ambition and eagerness to experience the world lead her to neglect the needs of others, and at times take reckless chances.
Aisha Skimp is Confidence’s maiden aunt, who raised the girl from a young age after the death of her parents. Aisha is cautious to a fault about men, manners, and money. Confidence continues to live with her aunt, although she pays rent in order to maintain her independence. Aisha worries deeply about Confidence’s outgoing ways, but this worry is mainly caused by the deep secret in Aisha’s past, a secret known only to …
Bronson Faulk, a seventy-year-old hobby farmer and heir to a utilities fortune. Having no need to work for a living, Bronson has devoted his life to the study of ancient languages, and practical botany. As a younger man, he once combined these interests by attempting to re-create from original sources the potions used in Dionysian rites. Although this was decades ago, uncanny rumors still cling to Bronson’s tweed-clad, reticent person.
Numbers McKenzie is Bronson’s farm manager, accountant, and general factotum. When she was a young girl, Bronson often found her in his goat pens, petting the animals and escaping from the chaos and verbal jousting of her large, Scots-Irish family. Realizing that the girl was extraordinarily gifted at working with animals, numbers, and power tools, Bronson paid for “Numbers” (born Evelyn Louise) to attend college, where she was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. Numbers is fiercely loyal to Bronson. She also does taxes for many other people in town, including Aisha Skimp, whose excessive social propriety Numbers finds relaxing because it means every conversation follows the exact same lines.
All right. That’s half of them. Now! You write up what the other characters should be like … and we’ll see where we go from there.
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