From the Facebook of Nelson Mendez.

1. Find meaning in your task. People are most likely to procrastinate on work that they find meaningless. I wrote last month about how going to the gym had finally started to feel worthwhile, that running in place and picking things up and putting them down had come to seem like a good use of my time. (This is a good technique for academic procrastination, obviously.)

2. Or don’t. Maybe you’re putting off something that really is meaningless, like the week’s TPS reports, but you still have to do it. Don’t insult your own intelligence by trying to find the Tao of Paperwork. Either find a way to work through them with frequent rewards and distractions, or else play an efficiency game to make the task at least marginally challenging. Roald Dahl used to play “shaving golf,” and try to completely shave his face in as few strokes as possible. There was a lovely scene in last season’s “Mad Men” in which Don recounts how he used to write assigned essays in English class to the exact minimal word requirements — five paragraphs, fifty words each.

And there are times, also, when we procrastinate because the task has too much meaning. Starting our novel. Applying to graduate school. Pricing condos. The trick here is often to fool yourself into doing your work while pretending that you aren’t. You aren’t planning to move, you’re just going to open houses with a friend as a lark. I do this with my writing, often. Despite years of experience, I can still get spooked sometimes when I sit down “to write.” So I’ve developed a way of taking notes, and then gradually expanding and reordering them until whatever I’m working on is done. So I go right from “Note Taking” to “Editing” without ever stopping at that anxiety-producing station called “Writing.”

3. Build in rewards. If there is no way to find a task inherently rewarding (or at least, not sufficiently so), sweeten the pot. Take a sauna after your workout. Take a break for Words with Friends after each five exams you grade. Head to a coffee shop and enjoy people-watching and pastry along with your paperwork.

The trick here is to attach the reward to the task, so that the entire experience becomes more pleasant, and you’ll condition yourself to regard the task as less aversive in the future. If you impose a strict “first we write our thank-you notes, then we get to go play,” you’re reinforcing the notion that writing thank-you notes is a nasty chore. When possible, find some way to reward yourself during the task.

4. Other people are not necessarily a reward. A lot of the advice on avoiding procrastination revolves around making the task a more social one: joining a writers’ group, getting a workout partner, and so on. This is good advice, but it conflates two things: other people as a source of accountability and help, and social interaction as a reward.

For some people, that conflation doesn’t matter. But if you are in the minority of introverts, which I know many of my readers are, being with other people is not necessarily a reward. Even if you are extroverted, the people who can give you the most useful advice, and to whom you feel most accountable, may not be the people whose company you find most rewarding.

So if the writers’ group or workout partner isn’t working for you, figure out why. Maybe they’re fun but soft, and don’t hold you accountable. Or maybe they are great at keeping you motivated and providing advice, but the relationships feel more like part of the task than something intrinsically enjoyable.

Pigeons procrastinate. This puts the phenomenon in perspective, for me. Maybe for some people it’s a deep psychoanalytic conflict that leads them to put things off, but pigeons do it too. Procrastination might not be all that complex, and it’s definitely natural. In fact, one thing that came up over and over again as I was looking at the research is that the people who beat procrastination are the ones who acknowledge that it’s a genuine temptation that can’t simply be willed away. You aren’t going to be a better person tomorrow. So what are you going to do today that will make tomorrow-you do the right thing?

If you find that you procrastinate a lot, here are some questions to ask:

1. How’s your health? One simple reason that people put off ’till tomorrow is because they do not have the physical or mental energy today. If procrastination is a real problem for you, take a look at your health and schedule first. Are you getting enough sleep? Do you exercise and eat well? Do you have any chronic conditions, mild or severe, that affect your energy level and need to be managed?

2. Do you really want to do the thing you’re putting off? Generally, we procrastinate on tasks that we don’t like doing. Which then leads to the subversive question that grownups get to ask themselves: Do I actually have to do this? Is the task you are postponing really necessary in the first place? If it is, are you the only person who can do it? Or can you outsource it?

3. Do you know how to do the thing you’re putting off? If the task must be done and you are the only one who can do it, do you know how? I don’t mean do you know what the finished state ought to look like — I mean do you know how to start, and how to get from that starting point to the end? A couple of months ago I answered a question from a woman who got writers’ block about thank-you notes. (I suspect a not-insignificant percent of late and or never-sent TYNs are the result of bad nerves more than bad manners.) I wrote, in part:

You can get over your gratitudinal perfectionism. Develop a formula for thank you notes, and then don’t overthink it. Your friends and relatives aren’t dissecting your missive as if it were some long-lost Rosicrucian manuscript in a Dan Brown novel. Here’s the recipe I use: The first sentence is an “I” statement about the gift (“I’m sitting here wrapped up in the afghan you knitted me,” “I just returned from spending my gift certificate at Williams-Sonoma”). In the second sentence, I thank the giver — and I don’t worry about sounding cliched, because the fact is there are only so many ways to say “thank you.” One or two more sentences compliment the giver and express love, support, and/or hopes of seeing each other in person soon.

If you don’t know how to get started in the task you are postponing, ask for help.

4. Is procrastination rewarded? This is primarily about workplace procrastination. What kind of task-management style makes sense in your workplace? Does getting your work done punctually mean that you have less stress, and more time to create a first-rate product? Or does it mean that your idea gets hung up for everyone else to take potshots at? Does your boss take deadlines seriously, or are extensions routinely granted? Is the nature of the work relatively predictable, so that work can be planned in advance, or are there constant interruptions and emergencies?

Maybe you feel that you are procrastinating, but in fact you are managing your work in a rational way given the parameters of your job. If this is the case, think about how you’d like to manage your work (keeping in mind that you’re not going to be a better person tomorrow!) and whether the environment you are in supports the work style you’d like to have. If it doesn’t, that isn’t a dealbreaker — just something you have to be conscious of. When I was writing my dissertation I was also working four days a week at a job that rewarded putting things off until the last minute (because if you didn’t, your work would be subject to endless revisions). I had to be disciplined about not letting my “good” work procrastination habits become bad study procrastination habits.

So let’s say you are physically and mentally fit to do your task, which is necessary and can only be done by you, and that you know how and have no rational reason to procrastinate. Then what? I’ll do another post later on tips for avoiding procrastination.

Since I respect the theatre in which I work, I shall do my best to keep it looking clean, orderly and attractive regardless of whether I am specifically assigned to such work or not.

I shall handle stage properties and costumes with care for I know they are part of the tools of my trade and are a vital part of the physical production.

I shall follow rules of courtesy, deportment and common decency applicable in all walks of life (and especially in a business in close contact with the public) when I am in the theatre, and I shall observe the rules and regulations of any specific theatre where I work.

I shall never lose my enthusiasm for theatre because of disappointments.

This list, adjusted for the industry, is also excellent advice for those going into their first jobs. Who wouldn’t want a co-worker who followed the advice above?

Bad judgment doesn’t usually surprise me. These two cases do, though. Can these men, who are professional communicators, seriously not know that the internet isn’t private? And that nothing on it ever goes away?

Truly, I do not understand.

My webmistress also migrated and propagated and rehosted and all kinds of things to the site yesterday, none of which I fully understand, but I trust her. As you can see, we’re trying to adjust the main page a bit to make it look a little less like a kitschy diner. May I ask, if any of you know of blogs that you think are particularly well-designed, leave a link in comments? I’m not an expert at this by any means.

And during Wednesday’s chat, I promised Tempest that I would dig around to see what guidelines were out there for job hunting while employed. Most of what I found was utter common sense (don’t use your work e-mail!) or that kind of advice that tells you what to do without saying how (don’t let your boss find out!) or that assumes ideal circumstances that won’t exist for a lot of people (take a personal day for interviews — do these HR advice-givers know that American workers get less paid time off than workers of nearly any other industrialized nation?). I hate that kind of advice, don’t you?

Anyway, here’s one article that talks about how to keep your boss from finding out. And here’s a nine-minute, somewhat rambling, but ultimately very good video that talks about how to frame and think through the strategy and self-presentation of job-hunting while employed.

Good luck, Tempest!

No, my boss (at my Harvard Business School job) is great. However, lots of people have not-so-great bosses. And, interestingly, there’s not a lot of research done on that topic. There’s a classic Harvard Business Review article on “Managing Your Boss,” but that’s about it.

So my (nice) boss has decided that we should start looking into this.* And, as luck would have it, I’m going to do an interview for WBZ on the topic on Friday. Which means I’ve got a bit of reading and thinking to do! And I always do the thinking bit better with you all to help me. What makes a good boss? A bad boss? Have you ever successfully “managed” your boss? How? What’s the best advice you’d give to someone stuck with a difficult boss?

*The fun part is this: there’s another project I’d rather work on first. So I need to persuade my boss to let me do that. Which isn’t going to be easy, because I know how he is when he’s excited about an idea. So, if I can successfully manage my boss … then I won’t have to write about how to manage bosses! Also, “boss” is one of those words that becomes meaningless with repetition very quickly.

See? When it’s not just the “the idiot’s leaving, do we replace him with the Amish Klingon beet farmer, the Cornell falsetto, or the black dude with the Kindle,” it actually sounds like something worth thinking about, doesn’t it?

All of them have their plusses and minuses.

Dwight can clearly sell, which will give him credibility even if he isn’t liked. And it may be the case that for an company that’s having to fight to stay alive in its sector, the bottom line is that employees want someone who will keep the doors open and the lights on. People do tend to prefer authoritarian leaders in hard and uncertain times. While Dwight’s poor interpersonal skills would have made him a bad manager during boom times, he might be a surprisingly good “war president.”

Andy is an incompetent salesman; even a warehouse worker or two has outsold him. However, he has a Cornell degree, making him by far the most on-paper qualified, and has a network of alumni and former coworkers at high-profile (now defunct) corporations to draw on. He is well-liked in the office, and is quick to take good advice when it is offered.

Darryl, the former warehouse foreman, was recently promoted to administration. He has little formal education but is intelligent and hardworking, and committed to self-improvement. He also has a strong sense of organizational dynamics, and has been known to advise people much higher up in the organization to their benefit. He is respected and well-liked both in the warehouse and in the office.

Whom would you promote and why?

Workplace Etiquette ? January 18, 2011
Devin_Ryder
Howdy everyone, on this very snowy day. We’re fortunate to have Robin Abrahams (aka “Miss Conduct” of the Boston Globe) doing the chat today. Robin is a psychologist and has written a wonderful–and hilarious–book on handling delicate situations with aplomb. (Miss Conduct’s Mind Over Manners) She also works at Harvard! Grab a coffee and ask your “delicate situations at work” questions!

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
And here I am! Looking forward to the chat, everyone. Please excuse any delays or typos as I’ve never used this software before. Also, imagine, then delete from your imagination, the dreadful case of hat head I have this afternoon.

wasabi
With the increase of email, social networking, etc. what do you see as the growing concerns around workplace manners?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
I was kind of hoping you all would tell ME that!

Sarah_Sweeney
Hi Robin! What can an employee say/do when their boss is overly negative and cynical about everything?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
Be the voice of reasoned optimism. If you’re close to your boss, you might want to address the issue directly, in a private situation. Otherwise, be a buffer between the boss’s attitude and that of the other employees. Don’t worry about coming off like Susie Sunshine; people will appreciate this. And most people wind up finding their greatest success through their ability to manage relationships. Being able to work well with a demotivating boss is a genuine skill!

wasabi
Well, I do find myself communicating more freely via email which is not always a good thing.

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
Right. There are no formal rules for how e-mails ought to be written (as there is for written correspondence) so that can be a bit of an anxiety-producer. I usually err on the side of formality, or else mimic my boss’s/client’s style. Always remember that NOTHING on the internet is private. E-mails can be forwarded. This can be a danger, but can also protect you if you are afraid your words might be misinterpreted or your message misread.

RayRay
Hi Robin. I have a co-worker who is very openly searching for dates online while at work, and sometimes, seeing the screen is uncomfortable and a distraction to others. Any suggestions?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
Tell them exactly what you told me. Also, let them know that nothing on the internet is private, Part II. In other words, you’re telling them for their protection, not your convenience. (True story, though: when I was a psych prof, I had a classroom activity around personals ads planned. So it was VERY EMBARRASSING when the nun who was president of the college happened to stop by my office and notice that this very married professor was scanning the personals!)

JamesOrinL
Do you have suggestions on how to politely let someone know they’re grammar is incorrect. An example is the use of double negatives.

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
Their. Not “they’re.” How do you feel right now? If you feel embarrassed, then this is not how you should correct someone’s grammar. If you feel empowered, I did it right.

Sunce
What is the best way to handle a boss who raises voice at her employees on multiple occasions?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
Again, I’d say mention it ONLY if you are personally close to the boss. If not, focus your efforts on other employees, helping them save face and recognize that her behavior is about her, not about them.

JamesOrinL
Oops! I did not proofread.

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
See? Other people’s grammar and spelling, most of the time, is not your responsibility. If you are working on a joint presentation or something where it will affect business, then you have every right to comment in order to make the product perfect. If you are a mentor, you can give this advice in that role. Otherwise, it’s like other people’s diet, romantic choices, posture, or fashion sense–one may shudder, but it is not one’s business to correct.

sarah
Hi Robin – Thanks for chatting with us! Another question about how to talk to your boss about etiquette. A former boss of mine always ran over time with his meetings and kept his next appointment waiting for way too long. I found this disrespectful of other people’s time, but I wasn’t sure how to tell him. Any advice?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
He is the one being disrespectful of other people’s time, not you. And I’m sure he’s heard about it from others. If not, then nothing you say will make a difference. (Why should it, if there are no consequences for his actions?)

Sarah_Sweeney
What do you do if your coworker or boss talks frequently about sensitive subjects like food, weight, and persuades other coworkers to exercise with him/her?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
It really depends on how extreme it has gotten, and if you are suffering emotionally from it. If this is a case where, for example, a recovering anorexic is being triggered by too much workplace weight-loss chat, go talk to the Ombudsperson. If it’s simply irritating, well, that is what much workplace conversation is like. People in the middle of a new project or life change *do* talk about it an awful lot! (Just ask Devin or anyone else who was unfortunate enough to have me as a co-worker while I was writing my dissertation.)

Sarah_Sweeney
What are a few general tips you would give to employees about staying above the workplace fray?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
That’s a little TOO general, SS! Give me some more details, please. “Fray” is vivid but vague!

Sarah_Sweeney
Like gossip, falling into cliques, uniting others against another coworker…

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
Gossip is a mixed bag. Some is useful, some is not. When it’s not, refuse to participate. Cliques, too, can be natural–all the mothers in the office have something in common, as do all Pats fans (mild clinical depression, at the moment). If they’re harmful, though, make sure to stay friends with everyone. Focus on the work. Eventually, people will notice that you’re not playing the games, and you’ll become a sort of “safe house” for everyone. And that’s when you start learning the REALLY GOOD gossip.

138
Many people are glued to their cell phones now. How do you get people to remember they are at work and to stop texting and checking their phones while talking to you?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
“You’re obviously busy right now. Let me know when you have some free time to discuss this matter.”

Sarah_Sweeney
In considering your experience as Miss Conduct, what is the weirdest/funniest question you’ve received about workplace etiquette?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
Someone wrote in about a colleague who, rather than using the ladies’ room, would take a cup into the office library, pee in it, and then pour it down the sink of the office kitchen. NO idea what was up with that!

more_snow
What’s the deal with “Harvard” time — starting every meeting 10 minutes late? Is it rude to just start on time? Arrive 10 minutes late, thereby contributing to the problem? Saying in your Outlook proposal, “Hey, this meeting is really starting on time?” Also, regarding meetings – is it ok to tell people to put away their d#@ personal devices during the meeting?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
Yes, it’s fine to ask people to put away their devices, although depending on the nature of the meeting, some folks may need them. Regarding “Harvard time”– good luck on changing that aspect of a 350-year old culture! Somehow, although we realize that students need a “passing period” to get from one building to another, we don’t recognize that administrators need the same thing.

138
Do you have a good come back for when superiors at work ask you questions that are way too personal, such as what political party you belong to or when you want to have kids?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
“I don’t talk politics at work.” “I thought about having kids after the Macguffin project was done, but I’ll probably be too old by then.” In other words, lightly but firmly delineate your boundaries. Then change the topic. You don’t want people feeling that they can ONLY talk to you about workrelated matters. (Maybe you think you want that, but it would get really boring very soon.)

Sunce
Should I feel bad for leaving at 5 every day if most of my colleagues stay later to finish up whatever they are doing?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
No, but you might want to be aware of how you’re perceived. Do people think of you as someone who works smart, or as someone who doesn’t work hard enough?

more_snow
I would agree about the “passing period” and also having Blackberries and the like on for emergencies – but you’re giving people too much credit, in my opinion. I’ve been in too many meetings where both devices and lateness are used as power-plays: look how important I am, and how unimportant this is. What to do in those situations, where others in a meeting or on a team make you feel like they’ll participate if it happens to be convenient to them? Can you really say/ask nothing?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
Say and ask anything you want. But you can’t change other people’s behavior, only your own reactions to it. If the meetings really are that essential, there will be consequences to people not attending, or not paying full attention. If someone can skip half a meeting, or doze through it, and still get their job done–why did they have to attend in the first place? I, too, have seen the lateness & PDA use as a power play–but I’ve also seen a lot of busy people dragged into meetings that they didn’t really have to be in!

Testcase
Hello – I have a co-worker who wears a very strong perfume. It follows her wherever she goes and lingers after she leaves. Nobody likes it, but nobody is comfortable asking her to not wear it. This includes her manager, even though others have brought it up to her. Suggestions?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
Talk to HR. This really is the manager’s job, whether she wants to do it or not. That’s why she gets the big bucks.

snowandrain
What advice would you give to someone who works in a very small office environment and has to manage work and performance related issues while maintaining a positive personal relationship with a direct report? My office environment consists only of me and my direct report sharing a very small office area that is all the same divided into two separate offices. We chat about life, personal matters a lot and have a nice, lively day-to-day relationship. But his performance for work responsibilities has been very problematic over the last year+. He also reports to a professor for half of his time allocation and there’s a vast discrepancy between how he shows professional respect for me versus the prof. I’ve thought it’s partly because of our personal relationship that might suggest a casual tone. But it’s gone too far and I don’t know how to shift gears without sacrificing too much of the camaraderie, particularly since the physical environment is so small. I feel like we have boundary issues’ professional ones and physical ones. How would you suggest addressing things or changing course smoothly?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
I would go talk to HR about this. It’s a complicated situation that has evolved over time, not one that’s amenable to a quick fix. And as you probably realize, if you start setting boundaries now without the other person knowing what the problem is, you are the one who will appear to be a difficult case. So go talk to your HR rep. That’s what they’re for!

devin_and_laurie
How do you ask your supervisor what kind of reference they will give you, particularly if you think it might be mixed?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
Give the boss a job description and ask if they can wholeheartedly recommend you (ask in such a way that it is clear that if the answer is “no” or “yes, with reservations,” you’re okay with that). Otherwise, don’t ask–asking in absence of context what kind of reference you would get makes you sound potentially litigious!

more_snow
Ha – good point about busy people! I would only point out that on many occasions, it was they who called the meeting. The joys of being the underling.

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
Pretend you’re an anthropologist. Does Jane Goodall take it personally when the chimpanzees throw branches at her? She does not.

Ejespers
Our smallish 13-person department is really beginning to suffer from too much online and cellphone distraction (I am not a manager, just someone who notices and participates) to the point where we don’t perform as well universally as we could. Can you think of a tactful way to get folk onboard for limiting web-based and external distractions? Or is it in general just my thinking about it that’s wrong, and this is an inevitable incursion into our tech-revolution worklives?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
If the manager isn’t concerned, I doubt that you’ll have much luck implementing cultural change. (If I learned one thing working in Central Admin–and I did–it’s that no cultural change happens without executive support.) If you are feeling your own productivity is hampered, talk to your boss about it. Maybe “quiet mornings” or something like that could be instituted.

Sunce
I find the HR very useless when it comes to interpersonal issues. Specifically, I have told them about my boss raising her voice at me and my colleague on a few occasions, and the way she treated us disrespectfully. The HR didn;t do anything to address the issue. What can one do in that situation? I find the HR totally useless!

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
If you have a bad boss, you have to get a new job. Period. That’s really the only solution. You can talk to the Ombudsperson, who can help resolve conflicts, but unfortunately, no one can change another person’s nature. Life is too short to work for bad bosses. Take a bad job with a good boss over the reverse any day!

138
How do you handle a situation where one person is getting promoted into a new supervisor position over 4 of her peers who have been there the same amount of time? I want the others to know that they are also valued and to not get discouraged.

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
If you are the manager in charge of the promotion, make the reasons that this person got the job very clear: “You’re all excellent, but this position requires strong quantitative skills, and Jane is a CPA” or whatever. Let people know what other leadership development opportunities, inside and outside the office, there will be. And don’t worry too much–you didn’t bring in someone from the outside to take the higher position. That would have been a real demotivator for your employees.

Sunce
Yes, my boss was a bully and I did get a new job, mainly because of her. It’s a shame Harvard employs bad bosses. I wish this could change.

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
All organizations employ bad bosses. At least at Harvard, there’s a lot of other schools and departments you can go to in order to escape them without losing your seniority or accumulated years of service.

138
Thank you, that is great advice.

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
Thanks! How well an employee fares after a promotion has a lot to do with how well they’re onboarded into their new role. The manager should legitimize the hire in the minds of other employees, and also provide opportunities for the recently promoted one to score some early wins, so that his or her promotion is justified in the minds of co-workers (and to give the promoted employee some confidence, as well).

devin_and_laurie
Hi folks. Thanks for all the great questions! We are needing to wrap up shortly as Robin as another appointment. We can probably squeeze in another question or two…

Robin_Fan
Hi Robin: One used to hear a lot about email etiquette (though I realize email is becoming almost quaint)…that said, what is your latest thinking about guidelines for e-communications? Things you have noticed that a truly polite person should avoid?

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
Small talk in the office is fine, but workplace e-communications should only be about work. I think that’s number 1. Also, don’t keep people on an e-mail chain forever (no one wants to get a whole series of e-mails discussing the location of the next staff meeting that they’re not even attending). I think the book “SEND” is a great, great book on effective e-mail communication. Can’t think of the authors’ names, but check it out on Amazon.

SportsGirl
Robin, please come back! You have given us some great advice.

Robin_Abrahams (Moderator)
Thank you! I had a wonderful time and would love to do this again. And thanks for a terrific closing comment. It’s been a good chat, everyone. Stay dry and warm!

A decent summary of the first season of “The Office,” if I remember correctly.

UPDATE: One of the questions was about informational interviewing, specifically for college students, and Green Mountain Views wrote such a terrific followup comment that I wanted to make sure no one missed it:

Really good advice re informational interviewing. I’d add that the student should not see an informational interview as a job interview or expect any type of job to be available as a result of that interview. It is an opportunity to find out about a career, understand the particulars of the career path (qualifications, salary range) and to get referrals for additional interviews. It is also not meant to become a relationship, so it is good that the letter writer sees a student only once. I love Robin’s idea of writing up your advice and putting it in a handout. The main thing is to give the students an idea of what their next step would be: read a certain book, article, talk to another person, attend a professional meeting, join a student chapter of a professional organization…and so on. Informational interviewing should not lead to a continued relationship where you do job coaching or keep a file of resumes in case something opens up in your department.

The other thing I suspect is that some course or another requires a certain number of informational interviews and you are “easy pickings” because you are on campus. Part of what they are supposed to learn is how to make a cold contact and follow up, so you could also send them off with the email address of that colleague who always interrupts you or steps on your toes at professional meetings. Just kidding, but you can pass these students on to others.

Thanks, GMV!

Do your boss a favor, and forego the long, detailed description of each and every symptom you are suffering. Please also don’t fill her cube with the beleaguered exhalations of the afflicted, heavy with virus. Call or IM and GTFO.

Good call. I think my friend should write an etiquette book, too. She’s an extroverted misanthrope, whereas I am an introverted, um, pro-anthrope. We are the perfect yin/yang of social relations.

But there’s a more fundamental problem that no amount of rest and relaxation can help solve: congregational pressure to forsake one’s highest calling.

The pastoral vocation is to help people grow spiritually, resist their lowest impulses and adopt higher, more compassionate ways. But churchgoers increasingly want pastors to soothe and entertain them. It’s apparent in the theater-style seating and giant projection screens in churches and in mission trips that involve more sightseeing than listening to the local people.

As a result, pastors are constantly forced to choose, as they work through congregants’ daily wish lists in their e-mail and voice mail, between paths of personal integrity and those that portend greater job security. As religion becomes a consumer experience, the clergy become more unhappy and unhealthy.

Surely, clergy are not the only people who are burned out not because they work too hard at their jobs, but because they cannot do their jobs to their own satisfaction. Teachers and writers who are under similar pressure to dumb down, cheer up, and keep it simple, stupid. Doctors who can’t spend more than 10 minutes with a patient because of insurance regulations.

People who have to ignore their calling in order to keep their job.

When you’re in the throes of a major project — at home or at the office — do you like to immerse yourself in it completely, or maintain some semblance of balance? In graduate school, when working on final papers or take-home exams, I would let papers pile up in my study, live on snack food and coffee, and generally get very wild-eyed about things. Gradually, I came to prefer a more balanced approach. Even when I was working on my dissertation, I would put away the papers at the end of the day and straighten up. And even on days when I’d be writing at home all day, I still bothered to brush my hair.

How are you? Do you like to plunge full in and re-emerge some days or weeks later, covered with insight, exhaustion, and Doritos crumbs? Or do you prefer, even when working hard, to try to live a somewhat balanced life?